It's not my real story *-*

every inch of time, and every air that I breath,
I through it with you
you filled that blank side of my heart with your harmony
you're like the red color of my blood
you completed my life just like torn completed the rose
you touched my heart with a dozen of happiness
you've promised me not to let me go

then,

you woke me up from that beautiful dream
which I hope that will never end
you've gone like the wind
I know, dear
you're just doing a very long sleep
your eyes are closing
and your lips are becoming white
I know, dear
you just stop breathing!
but that the odd thing is coming up
no more happiness, and no more loves

why, dear?
why just you who can fly me to the moon?
I'm drowning into my tears
I felt what they called "heartache"
my only friend is now loneliness

I just want you to know, my dear
I'm missing you

FM

Hanya Dekat Kasih-Mu Bapa :)

Hanya dekat kasih-Mu Bapa, jiwaku pun tentram
Engkau menerimaku dengan sepenuhnya
Walau dunia melihat rupa, namun Kau memandangku
Sampai kedalaman hatiku

Tuhan inilah yang ku tahu
Kau mengenal hatiku
Jauh melebihi semua yang terdekat sekalipun
Tuhan inilah yang ku mau
Kau menjaga hatiku
Supaya kehidupan memancar senantiasa

this song makes me realize that Jesus is the best ever. He sees you more than other people do. He gives you what you want and He knows you much better than everyone. Jesus is the only Father for me. He's more than anything in this world and I love him with all of my heart. I'll never leave you, my Savior. Thank you for all of your gifts all this time :) You never forget me even though sometimes I forgot you. I'm sorry for breaking your heart, but I'll not leave you, I know you've given me a place besides you in heaven. I'll not leave although there are a lot of troubles, I believe in you. You've saved me from all my sins.Thank you, Jesus. Love you My Jesus :)

FM

Love

Loving someone is a moment where you feel happy when you're seeing the person who you love feel happy, a moment where you share your pain with him, a moment where you accept him as an imperfect person, and a moment where you can make he feels comfortable when he's with you :)

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I'm with you---Roy Croft.

If you really fall in love with someone, you'll stare him with full of compassion, touch him with a thousand of love, and keep in your mind that he's your life and your breath :)

Your words are my food, your breath are my water. You are everything to me---Sarah Bernhardt.

You'll think that he is the best gift that you've ever got. You'll protect him and give your whole life for him :)

The best gift I've ever had is you---Anonymous.

Words of love are beautiful. You're giving a thousand of phrases just for your love. You drift because of love, you're blind because of love :)

"I love you" is more valuable than money---Frank Sinatra.

Then you'll start to think that the person you love has brought you a million of knowledge that you haven't known before. He has made your days brighter and more colorful than before, and you know what does love mean to you :)

If I know what love is, it is because of you---Herman Hesse.

Suddenly, reality is pulling you out from your dream. You fall so far from above and you feel so much pain. That love has gone, he keeps going even though you've called him with all of your power. He doesn't leave you a thing, just a scar that you cannot remove :(

Pleasure because of love lasts a moment, but pain because of love lasts a lifetime---Bette Davis.

You start to cry, regretting all the things and want to fix everything. But sometimes, that love doesn't give you another chances. He thought that you've thrown him away :(

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop---Anonymous.

You want your love back. You keep chasing it, but he doesn't give the same as your wish. He leaves you behind. No more lightning in his eyes when he sees you although you still keep it when you're staring him. The pain is much worse :(

The saddest thing in the world is loving someone who used to love you---Anonymous.

And then you give up, no more thing that you can do to bring him back. You just let it flow and try to erase all the memories of you and him. You're trying hard to keep standing up and open another new page in your life. Trying to let him go from your life and back to think positively :)

It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all---Alfred Lord Tennyson.

You've learned from your past and you've done it. You'll find the way how to make a love give you no trouble someday. Love is a gift, you'll get in one day and take care your love with a good start :)

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lose---G.K. Chesterton.


FM

Let me be the one

Somebody told me you were leaving, I didn't know
Somebody told me you're unhappy, but it doesn't show
Somebody told me that you don't want me no more
So you're walking out the door
Nobody told me you've been crying every night
Nobody told me you'd been dying but didn't want to fight
Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me
So I'm setting you free

Let me be the one to break it up
So you won't have to make excuses
We don't need to find a set up where
Someone wins and someone loses
We just have to say our love was true
But has now become a lie
So I'm telling you I love you one last time and goodbye

Somebody told me you still loved me, I don't know why
Nobody told me that you only needed time to fly
Somebody told me that you want to come back
When our love is real again

Just turn around and walk away
You don't have to live like this
But if you love me still then stay
Don't keep me waiting for that final kiss
We can work together through this test
Or we can work through it apart
I just need to get this off my chest
That you will always have my heart

Let me be the one...oh I love you..


This just touch my heart...
Thanks to Shadrina for making me know this song :)
Ready to hear it from you, Blue.


FM

Back :)

It's been a long time since my last post. I was too bussy all this time and quiet confused with all my activites. Back with my stories of course. I thought my blog is my diaries. I'm too lazy to write in on a book hahaha :DD Just begin with my feeling about being in my new school.

I don't feel any awkward situation anymore. I think that I get used to. I've got friends, they're really good and funny, although still I can't be myself. I still could not open myself to them. Maybe it's not the time. I can laugh now, I can adapt, like I said before. There are so much stories that I want to write but I don't know where to start. Now, I used to go to school at dawn and back to home at evening. Maybe some of people will ask what did I do at school? How could it take so long for learning at school? Let me tell you that the lesson is over at 3.10. After that, for this month until next or maybe the next and the next month, I will be busied by my extracurricular activities. I took an English Club and FOKUS for extracurricular. In my school, every extracurricular has a regeneration. It's like MOS at school but it's for the extracurricular. The fact is, the regeneration is so much better than MOS. When MOS, I just could sleep for two or three hours. It was really tiring. But the tasks will never be left. In regeneration, we also got many tasks and of course writing.

I love doing that, I can know a lot of my seniors. That's good, isn't it? We work and discuss together. This afternoon, after went to the PETA Museum, I went back to school. The first plan was I wanted to talk about our tasks with my group. But in the end, we talked about how was the previous MOS and laughed together. It was really fun. There was someone who really enthusiast when told the stories. He was really good at speaking. I just laughed laughed and laughed. Hahahahaha, really funny when I remembered it once more. But unfortunately, I had to go before it's over. I had to go to my course and then back to home. I was sure that I'd really have fun for one year ahead in my English Club. In my school it's called eASY (english Association for SMANSA Youth).

I dind't cry anymore now. I can feel that the pain is walking slowly. Hope it'll really go away and never come again to my life. But I'm very tired. Because of that, sometimes I'm angry with a small thing. I was just too tired, and I just want to quiet. I want to relax my mind, my mouth, and my body. Even it's not sleeping, but I just want to have my own time with myself. I really need it sometimes since I had a lot of doings at school. Maybe it's weird, but I like to talk with myself, just remembered everything while lying in bed or maybe typing in the computer.

Now, I really want to concentrate on my mission. I want to enroll University of Indonesia. Even though all of my families say that it'll hard, but I won't stop trying until I really failed. There must be a way if you really want it and you make efforts to get it. Everything begins with pain and come the happiness :)

FM

Families

One of my family member requested me to make a story about family. I'm quiet confused because I don't exactly know what I'm going to write.

First of all, let's begin from my parents. Honestly, I don't know what I should write. My father works at an insurence company for maybe 20 year old. I'm not close with him. That's the truth. My mother is an ordinary housewife. She's not a very good person, but she's good to be a mother. Their relationship is not good at all, but they're fine with each other. And their marriege is 28 years old last May.

Second, my sisters. There are two. My oldest sister is Ranty Ferani. She's 27 years old last February and she's quiet rude (please don't be angry :*). She's the one who's teaching me type with the ten fingers (I don't know what it is called in English), teaching me to play organ, introducing me to english, bringing me to Recis, and forcing me to enter Smansa (hahahaha, I'm just kidding!). She's a really good sister. She's like a fairy godmother who can give me whatever I want. But not whatever actually, just some of them. She's working as a SAP Counsultant now, and she has a boyfriend who she loves so much. She likes music, chat (exactly!), soccer, books, ect. Today, she saw my Recis' book year and she's kinda jealous because she didn't have one. She said that the money which was for the book year was takken by her friend. So unfortenately, sis! She loves going to singapore. She can meet her boyfriend there. Don't you think she has a lot of money? hahahahaa, I'm joking around!! One thing that I almost forget, she's always up to date. Hahahaha, maybe it's caused she meets the internet every hour. Hahahaha.

Then, my other sister. She's Shena Elyzabeth or Nena, such a good name for someone like her. Hahahaha, kidding of course. She's 23 years old last March and she works at a buss factory. She loves working there because she can find some of good friends. She really likes reading novels. She's borrowed ten books or more from her friend. She's very thiny, but she has good face, I guess. It can prove by many boys want to be her boyfriend, hahahaha. She's easy to angry but she's also easy to chill. She has a weird personality that is hard to understand. I think I don't exactly know how she is. She's also a great sister.

Continue to my cousins. There are eleven.

Ria and her sister Nia, they're a funny sisters. My sister Nena said that they're weird. Ria has such an alto voice and Nia has a sopran voice. You understand, don't you? It's funny, I think. But they're good, I think Nia loves me alot. Because you can say I took care of her since she's a little baby. Hahahaha. She's always kissing me when we meet each other.

Then, Tasya and her sister Evelyne. They're my sister Ranty's favourite children, I guess. Tasya and Evelyne are the perfect sister. They have such a beautiful faces and voices. My sister Ranty loves them so much. She also took care of them since they were a little baby. They're also rich, hahahaha.

Florin and Olan. Florin is close to me, we're always joking around. But Olan, he's a little bit scare to me. He doens't want if I see him in the eye, he will cry then. Hahahaha. But they're also good to me.

Naomi and Ester. Both of them are very active. But they're smart. Their mother is always up to date and their parents is providing them all they need. It's really good prepared.

Stefan and Tristan. I love both of them the most. Actually Stefan. I'll make him as my boyfriend if I can. Hahahaha. He's so cute, so active, so perfect to be a baby. Hahahaha. He's only one year older that his brother. His mother is a nurse in Pertamina or we usually call RSPP.

And the last but never least, Bona. He's a miracle for my aunt and uncle. My aunt was already old when she was pregnant. But Bona is a very good one. He doesn't like to run for here to there. He's a quiet person.

Maybe that's all I can share about my family. It's impossible for me to tell you my aunts and uncles also. You'll get bored. Hahaha. But I love them so much. They're my family that I only have. Actually there are three more cousins in Java but I don't really know them so I don't know what should I write about them. Let I write it in another chance.

Hope you'll be pleasure from reading my story about my family :)

FM

Farewell

It's been three years already and I'm not ready to call it quits. There are so much memorable moments that it's hard to forget. Regina Pacis junior high school has changed half of my life. It's reality. I felt that I became a smarter person when I was here. My english is increasing rapidly. I've made a lot of friends, I've found teachers that so friendly and strict.

I will miss them so much. Start from the building. Where can we find again building like Regina Pacis has? They're gather as one. From the kindegarten utill senior high school. Even the junior high school is the newest one. Then the teachers. I'm pretty not sure when I'm talking about this. But yes, I will miss my teachers although they're not all good. Some teachers are kind and nice to me. But not infrequently also there are some teachers who are arrogant to me. Of course I will miss someone who's in the library. She's very kind to me, actually she's kind ti every person.

I'm sure I will miss the caffetaria. I will miss the meatball's seller, I will miss the chairs and tables, I will miss the gate, or maybe I will miss the cat who sat beside me once (and only). Caffetaria is the place where I was waiting for my friends who joinned the "Misa Jumat Pertama" or "PRK". It was the place where I read Gadis Magazine alone while listening to my iPod. I will miss it so.

I will miss the activities that Regina Pacis junior high school does every year. I'll miss when we went to the Pratista-Bandung, it was RetRet. I'll miss the routine activities when the independance day. We'll make a bazar that sell our old things to the poor people. It's not gonna happen in other school, I guess. I'll miss the Christmas and New Year there, I'll miss the classmeeting. I'll miss everything ;)

The most important, sure I'll miss my friends. They'll linger in my mind forever.

Start from Helena Ratya and Cindy Franscicsa. They were my first friends in there and now they become my bestfriends ever. I cannot say anything about them. They're so special, more than anything. But we had a problem once. Do you remember, gals? We're even angry each other on friendster. It will be funny if you remember it once again. But I'll not remember anything about that. We've been friends since we went to the same class in 7th grader. 7e, that class gave me so much learn. Than we have to be seperated in 8th and 9th grader. But we're still having fun, right? We've shared so much stories. I remembered how we tried our best to get to the Regina Pacis senior high school. We were worried because the test was so difficult. But we've passed. I'm sorry for not be there anymore. But I promise I'll go as often as I can to Recis. We can still eat in GI, can't we? So unfortunately Ita is closed now. That was the place where we often ate before we went to Bimbel Qita. There are too much memories that's very very hard to forget, aren't they? Oh guys, you mean so much to me. I love you guys really love you :* keep fighting and do your best, okay? I'll come on your birthday and bring you present :)

Soraya Triesly Lessy and Acid Felicia Rumintjap, what can I say about you, guys? Both of you are very good friend to me. You are the place where I want to share my stories. Soraya, I'll really miss you. I'll miss your stories, I'll miss your update about everything. We have to meet once in a week on curch. And Acid, I really cannot say anything about you. You're such a good listener for me. You kept so much my secret. You know everything. Promise me you're not going to tell it to everyone! Hahaha, Acid, I'll miss you when you sat next to me. I'll miss your drawing, I'll miss your stories about Ece, Mama, Papa. I'll miss when we was talking about our family. I love both of you, love you with my all heart, also keep fighting and do your best, okay? :*

My other friends, like Carmel, Yunita, Ara, Zain, Sabina, Tivani, my families that I can't say one by one. I really love you guys. Especially friends that I found in 8a. You're such the best friends that I've ever found. We've made a family. Honestly, I become a horrible person when I was 8th grader. Hahaha. But I'll miss it so much. Yunita, when will we meet again? I'll miss you. Zain, you've taught me how to play Capsah, it was good! And the others, I cannot say to much. And Emir, you know me really good. Hahaha. You're all good, guys! And also I'll remember the three musketeers Adri, Vito, and Kernel. You're such crazy boys! Hahaha.

Thanks for being there for me, friends. Thanks for all that you gave to me. I'm very happy that I have a chance to meet all of you, guys! You all mean so much to me. I'll remember everything we've done together. It sounds that like I wanna die, but I just write what is on my mind right now. I just think when I'm in Smansa later, I won't have so much time to meet all of you. Maybe just once I'll come to Recis. Once again, I really thanks for all of you. I love you guys, also keep fighting and do your best! Love you all :*

The others pictures are hard to upload, I'm sorry, It's getting late also :)


FM